The Tainted Lily
by cityofheronstairs
Summary: Why has Sydney's aura changed and what does this mean for Sydrian? My first ever fanfic so please be nice.
1. Chapter 1

**I fixed the dialogue guys, thanks for letting me know!**

Adrian ran his hand lightly over Sydney's arm, expecting the reaction of pleasure he loved to evoke from her.

'Sydney?' Adrian said as he stopped abruptly to stare at her.

'Hmm.. yes?' Sydney replied.

'Your aura... it's changed..your colours aren't the same.'

Sydney stepped back from Adrian, avoiding his gaze carefully. 'What do you mean.. changed, is that possible?'

After staring intently at Sydney for a few moments, trying to decipher the changes to her aura, Adrian replied slowly 'Well the yellow is still there, but there's no more flashes of purple. And when I touched you, your aura dimmed..'

'No more purple? What does that mean?' whilst saying this Sydney had backed away discreetly from Adrian, making space between them. However not quite discreetly enough as Adrian noticed, and testing his idea, he stepped closer to Sydney and saw her aura dim again, confirming what he had desperately hoped was not true.

'Wow, and I thought I'd learnt from my mistakes with Rose' he said bitterly.

'Wait, what? Adrian tell me what's going on, please, you're freaking me out!' Sydney stepped closer to Adrian, sensing his distress. Even without magical aura reading powers, Sydney could still see his feelings radiating off him, as a single thought consumed his mind.

'Do you.. do you still love me?' he asked, attempting to muster a voice close to calm.

'What? I didn't go to mexico, I stayed here to look after you and Jill and everybody else, why else would I go to all this trouble?'

'You didn't answer my question Sydney.' Adrian turned around and began pacing the room, the bright yellow paint that covered his apartment conveying a mood that was completely the opposite of what he was feeling. 'When I touch you, your aura changes. Normally when I touch you, it changes but it becomes brighter, more intense, more vibrant in every way. It was how I knew you loved me when you refused to admit it. Now, it dims, almost recoils when I touch you. And the purple, the passion that used to grow stronger when I touch you, it's not there anymore. The flame in the dark has gone. What's changed Sydney?'

Even Sydney, wound up in her world of facts and statistics could see how upset Adrian was, especially because he was calling her by her actual name rather than his nickname. She recognised his words as part of the spirit-induced madness, but the clarity and confusion in his eyes told her that he knew exactly what he was saying. 'Nothing's changed! I'm still the same girl, I still love you no matter what my aura says otherwise!'

'That's the thing though, you're not the same.' Sydney stared at Adrian in shock. 'The purple of your aura was a part of you, and it should be impossible for it to be gone. It's like forgetting all the words you've ever read, impossible. But it's gone.'

Suddenly, Adrian stopped pacing and swung round to stare at her. Like before, he was focusing completely and utterly on Sydney, something that would usually make her knees buckle and head feel dizzy. Except this time, instead of staring past her and at her aura, he stared directly at her face. Adrian's eyes held Sydney's for what felt like a long time, both silently daring the other to break the contact first. Then in a few seconds, Adrian had crossed the room and was standing directly in front of Sydney. Attempting not to flinch, Sydney kept his gaze but Adrian's eyes had travelled and were staring at her cheek, narrowing his eyes at the golden tattoo that marked Sydney as an alchemist. Feeling self-conscious under the scrutiny of his gaze, Sydney turned her head slightly to hide the tattoo. 'What happened on your trip to the Alchemists?' Adrian asked, his eyes widening as he realised what he had been thinking. As she gave him the rundown of her trip, meetings and planning sessions,without even realising, Sydney's voice had filled with pride when mentioning the Alchemists. Except as Adrian listened carefully, he saw the telltale signs of compulsion leaking into her heart-warming performance as she described the 'beauty' that was the Alchemists. 'Oh no.' Adrian's interruption severed the dream-like state Sydney had fallen into and she jumped, startled.. 'It's not that you don't love me anymore, it's that you.. can't. Sydney, do you remember them touching your tattoo, at all during the trip?' he asked her urgently.

Her answer brought his fears crashing down around him- 'Yes' she replied.

'Oh Sage, they've turned you into the perfect Alchemist spy, one who doesn't even know they're being used.' Adrian said softly, more to himself than to anyone else.

'What, what do you mean? They touched my tattoo, yes but nothing fancy, just re-inking my tattoo, as usual.' She said adamantly.

'But you didn't want your tattoo re-inked, remember! Or is the compulsion making your memory a bit hazy. I guess the Alchemists are covering their tracks, not wanting you to remember why they had to re-ink you in the first place'. Adrian's voice rose as he realised what this meant for him, for them. 'You've been fixed, you're back to playing the perfect little alchemist except this time you aren't pretending. That's why there's no more purple in your aura, they've sucked the life out of you. Oh no, oh shit no, the perfect Alchemist. The perfect Alchemist who hates all vampires. Including Moroi. Including me.'

'Of course not, Adrian! I love you!'

'Then step closer. You don't think I've noticed, but every time I've stepped closer to you, you've moved away. You're afraid of me. Prove me wrong, please Sydney! Prove to me that I've got this all wrong, the tattoo isn't controlling you. Or prove to me that you can fight the tattoo. You're so strong, my flame in the dark, please fight for me.' Adrian had moved past worried now to sheer desperation, clinging to the hope that his guesses had been wrong. The conflicted emotions were clear on Sydney's face, as a battle raged inside her, but eventually her body made a decision. Although looking unhappy, Sydney stayed where she was standing, a 'safe' distance from Adrian. His face fell as all hopes of being wrong were destroyed and after a few seconds, a look of indifference masked all previous emotions. Adrian knew that this wouldn't have fooled the real Sydney, who was so sharp that she would have seen through his act of disinterest, would have seen the feelings of despair threatening to engulf him whole. But the real Sydney was not standing in front of him, and if his eyes did not believe that, a quick look at her aura would remind him.

'I need to borrow your phone' Adrian bluntly told Sydney.

After regarding him suspiciously, Sydney handed it over and asked 'what are you doing?'

Adrian replied grimly, 'I'm calling Marcus and his merry men'.


	2. Chapter 2

**I never expected anyone to actually read my story, let alone like it, so I didn't plan on writing anymore, but I did for you guys, SO FEEL APPRECIATED!**

**I have exams so might not be able to update super quickly now, and I'm sorry, I know how annoying slow updates are but my exams are really important so I have to concentrate on them, unfortunately. **

**Anyways, enjoy and please favourite/review- even criticism, I need it!**

* * *

Sydney felt as though she had been submerged in water. Everything was the same, but different. Muter. The colours, the sounds. What used to be bright now seemed dull in comparison. Things she would have found beautiful before now were only interesting. This was monotone in comparison to the beautiful vibrance that used to colour Sydney Sage's life. Not that Sydney could focus much on her past. She could remember everything fine, but the emotions that surrounded her memories were hazy and she was unable to grasp hold of any of them, before they slipped away again. So she could remember that she was assigned to the job of keeping the Moroi Princess, Jill Dragomir hidden, but she was unable to decide how she felt about that. Mostly, she felt distant. That was all she felt nowadays. She could remember that she was involved with Adrian, but not why or how. And whenever she thought of Adrian, her heart raced but she could not work out why. She knew that she loved him, it was one of the only clear thoughts that was remotely linked to an emotion, but then that didn't explain why she acted the way she acted. Sydney Sage was not stupid. She had read enough books to know that when you're in love, you notice everything about the other person, like their reflexive reactions to surprise or stress such as twisting hair or wringing fingers, but the books didn't mention noticing every thing about the other person like collecting information to use as evidence against them. Or jumping at every movement, afraid. The books never mentioned being afraid. Sure, the sad stories about poor girls being hurt by the guy they loved, that mentioned the girls being afraid but Adrian had never been anything but loving towards Sydney. Even in his spirit-induced madness, he clearly cared for her, his feelings shining through his eyes. _He could hurt you _whispered through her mind. No, no Adrian would never hurt her, Sydney reminded herself. He loved her and she loved him. Simple. _He's a Moroi _usually followed the first whisper. Ah, not so simple.

Even though her thoughts on Adrian worried her, Sydney couldn't concentrate. She felt her mind slip back to the only thing it seemed able to focus on, the Alchemists. She found herself entwined by the motto of the Alchemists, whispering enticingly in the back of her mind, reminding her of why she was in Palm Springs in the first place. The words may not have meant much to her before, but now she understood fully the responsibility her job held. She was _saving _the world. Keeping the evil that was the undead vampire species, Strigoi, away from vulnerable, innocent humans. And making sure the distance between humans and Moroi, along with the half-breed Dhampirs, was kept. Although they seemed more human than their undead enemies, Moroi and Dhampirs were still not to be trusted. Especially Moroi, as surely a creature that drinks blood to survive was not trust-worthy. The Alchemist part of her brain, that nowadays seemed to be the only part of her brain that was functioning, felt repulsed at the idea of Moroi. More like vermin than people. Of course, they had their human moments, or at least pretended to. Jill's nightmares reminded Sydney of her own nightmares that occasionally engulfed her and caused her to wake up screaming and sobbing in the middle of the night. But as she reminded herself, Moroi were like shallow mirror copies, mimicking humans so much that it was easy to forget what they really were. But don't worry, Sydney could see that now. She could see her mistakes, how vulnerable she had been. She had even shared a room with one! Although Moroi weren't known for violently attacking humans, the temptation must always be there so it must have only been by chance that Sydney had survived without an incident. One of the rules drilled into young Alchemist's heads; Never trust a Moroi. Even though Sydney had always known the Alchemist rules, now they seemed to sparkle in her mind and she truly understood the importance of keeping the rules. Always follow the rules. At least that was clear.

The sound of frantic knocking broke Sydney's peaceful train of thought as she jerked her head up, looking towards the door. After his accusations, Adrian had stormed off into his bedroom, muttering something about 'privacy'. Unsure as to whether she should hang around in his apartment or go back to her dorm, Sydney had loitered in his kitchen, waiting to see what happened next. She didn't seem worried about the outcome of their discussion, she was more worried about how she would explain to Stanton that she had upset Adrian, who was part and parcel of her assignment to Jill because of their spirit bond, but Sydney did not like leaving things unfinished so waited to see what Adrian had to say. The knocking brought Adrian out of his room and as he violently threw open the door, Sydney was surprised to see Jill (and obviously, Eddie and Angeline, her guardians) on the other side. Ah, of course Jill would come. Adrian's strong feelings most have reverberated through the bond causing Jill to come to his rescue. Throwing a look of sympathy in Adrian's direction, Jill decided Sydney should be the focus of her direct attention and marched across the room towards her. Stepping backwards slightly, Sydney looked at the Moroi with a look that she thought gave off a calm, relaxed expression in hope of not upsetting her assignment. The opposite happened however as Jill recoiled as if she had just been slapped and stared in horror at Sydney.

'How is this possible? You're right, oh God, you're completely right.'

Hearing Jill say the word 'God' caused Sydney to unconsciously clutch her cross around her neck. It was a new cross, quite boring and plain compared to her old one she had had for years that had been lost and the handmade one given to her from Adrian. She had felt wrong wearing the latter, recently discovering the horrific irony in wearing a religious necklace given to her by something unholy.

'Well don't look so surprised that I actually got something right for once' Adrian shot Jill a sarcastic grin, that looked more like a grimace.

'Oh please, you know that's not what's important right now' Jill uncertainly stepped closer to Sydney, as though approaching a startled animal 'Sydney, do you know who I am?'

'Of course I do! You're Jill Dragomir, illegitimate heir to the Dragomir throne, moved to Palm Springs to be protected from Moroi assassins who want the remove your sister, Vasilissa from the throne by killing you. Pretty much sums you up, right? I don't have amnesia, Adrian is just over-reacting because apparently my aura's changed.' Sydney finished her speech, satisfied that she would have put everyone's minds at rest.

The effects of her speech were startling, however. At the mention of Moroi assassins, Eddie and Angeline's concerned expressions had left and had been replaced by fierce, defensive positions surrounding Jill, as if Sydney's mention of assassins brought a real, deadly threat. Jill had staggered back, hurt by Sydney's blunt summary of her most vulnerable, and personal, parts of her life. Jill still hadn't fully come to terms with being Lissa's sister and having it thrown unceremoniously in her face showed Jill just how drastically different Sydney had become much more than any other comment could have. Not to mention the off-handed comment of Jill's impending death, that also showed how emotionless and callous 'this' Sydney was.

'I didn't notice at first, but you see it now, don't you? She's only been home a few days but how did we not notice before? How did I not notice?' Adrian's voice rose as his anger and grief took control. Spotting the nearest object, a chair, he threw it across the room, smashing it against the wall. Breathing heavily, he stood, slightly crouched, in the middle of the room.

Jill ran over to comfort him, obviously seeing his display of emotion and sensing through the spirit bond the rest of his emotions that lay unseen. Adrian turned his attention to Sydney and almost seemed to be waiting. Waiting to see her reaction, Sydney realised. Dully, Sydney noted that Adrian blamed himself for whatever they thought was happening to her. Why did a Moroi care so much about her? Was this what it meant to be in love? That you wreck your own furniture in a passionate display of emotion? Either love made you foolish or it was just Moroi's version of love. Sydney was sure her love for Adrian wasn't making her act irrationally or destroy perfectly good chairs. But her love certainly didn't feel as strong as the love and anguish she was able to see in Adrian's eyes. His feelings were palpable, they were so strong. A part of her wanted to go over and comfort him but another, stronger part of her reminded her that this was a sign of the aggression Moroi were capable of and this meeting should serve as a reminder of the danger Moroi held. Whatever Adrian had been hoping for fizzled away and any traces of emotion left his face.

Waving Jill off and turning brusquely to the others, he said ' She should have gone to Mexico with Marcus. Then this would never have happened.'

'Maybe, but Sydney should definitely have never gone to see the Alchemists! Ugh, I should never have let her go.' Breaking out of guardian mode, Eddie replied to Adrian. Even though they were pretending to be siblings for the cover story, over the short time Eddie had known Sydney, he had grown to like her and saw her as a younger sister. Maybe that was just his guardian training, causing him to want to protect everyone but somehow Sydney had made the list of those Eddie cared about and wanted to keep safe. It wasn't exactly a short list.

'Marcus and his rebellious group were stupid. Their plan to go against the Alchemists was stupid, they chose the wrong path and when they are caught, they will be punished severely. I should never have even considered following them, I can see now how stupid that plan was. You can't escape the Alchemists'.

'Well at least that last part was right, they caught you before you had time to do anything even remotely rebellious. Well except kiss me, eh Sage? I guess they didn't expect you to fall under my irresistible charm before they had the chance to swoop in and replace you with the crazy clone version.' Although joking, his words held a bitter undercurrent that everyone in the room could hear.

'So what do we do with her?' Angeline jumped in before anyone had a chance to reply; Whether they would have comforted or scolded Adrian, it's not clear.

'Excuse me, I'm standing right here, why are you talking about me like I'm a child that you get to decide where I go. We are work colleagues but out of hours, I decide what I do.' Sydney stopped and looked at Adrian. 'And I.. I love you, Adrian but you can't decide things for me either.'

Although Sydney had openly declared her love for Adrian, she looked confused and uncertain. The words felt right but her tone sounded foreign to her. Staring adamantly at the ground, Adrian didn't even look up. A lump built up in the back of Sydney's throat, but she couldn't place the reason why.

Seeing that Adrian was unwilling to talk, too busy focusing on his inner turmoil that threatened to overcome him, Jill stepped in with a thought they had both been thinking.

'What I don't understand is why they enhanced the compulsion but kept.. but kept Sydney's feelings for you. That should have been the first thing they got rid of, it goes against every rule in the Alchemist handbook.'

'They didn't exactly leave her feelings alone. She's afraid of me now. Sage used to be so strong and fearless but they changed that. When I get hold of them.. I'll-'

'Don't! The alchemists have done nothing wrong. They're working hard to humans from darkness, from darkness that you, all of you, threaten to bring into innocent people's lives!' Sydney broke into a frenzy, patriotically defending the Alchemists. Never before had the group heard Sydney so adament about how important the Alchemists were. She looked mesmerised by her own words and if an another Alchemist had walked in the room at that moment, she would probably have ran to them and bowed down to their 'majestic beauty'.

'-Marcus is on his way.'

Adrian's voice cut through Sydney's trance, slamming her back into reality.

'What, no, they can't come. If the Alchemists see that I am in contact with a criminal, I will be kicked out! They will see me as a criminal!' Sydney screamed at Adrian for his stupidity. How could he, if he loved her as much as he said he did, call a criminal to come and see them, when he knew how much she wanted to the favoured among the Alchemists? They would lose all confidence in her, or worse, send her to a re-education centre!

'It's too late, he's on his way. He left as soon as I called.'

'Sydney, it's for your own good, you need to see Marcus'. Jill's soothing voice attempted to calm the storm raging inside of Sydney, but it did not good. The fear of letting down the Alchemists was too strong.

'Give me my phone back, now. I need to ring the Alchemists'.

'Woah, no way little miss suicide mission. If the Alchemists don't kill you for knowing his number in the first place, then Marcus and his merry men would hunt you down. No way.'

'Well you should have thought about that before you invited them over for a chitchat.'

'They're the only ones who can help you!'

'Why won't you listen to me, I don't need help! I'm sorry if this is upsetting your feelings Adrian, but for once your feelings don't matter. What matters to me is my job and you've all put that in danger.'

Seething, Adrian stared at Sydney, daring her to continue. She didn't. Turning his back to her, he told the others 'Marcus will be here in 3 days, tops. We need to keep her on lockdown till he gets here, in case she runs back to the Alchemists to do even more damage.'

'She can't stay in her dorm. If we all miss classes for 3 days, teachers will start asking questions and between us getting yelled at and sent back to class, she will have loads of opportunities to escape.' Eddie's diplomatic voice sorted through the possible escape options available to Sydney, ones that she'd already thought of, not that she would tell them that. Dammit.

'Fantastic. Well Sage, I guess me and you are going to be roomies' Adrian's cutting tone filled the room.

A mixture of fear for being forced against her will to stay in an apartment with a Moroi and excitement for it being Adrian's apartment filled Sydney. The fear won however, and she slowly backed away until she was sitting perfectly still on his couch. The fear always seemed to win, nowadays.

Finally having enough, Adrian walked towards the door to leave.

'Adrian! Where are you going, we need to sort this out?' Eddie called to him.

'Yeah, well we need to do a lot of things but right now I need a cigarette.'

Watching Adrian leave, Sydney felt a pang of longing that was quickly stifled by discomfort. She suddenly became aware of the amount of Moroi and Dhampirs in the room and felt claustrophobic. _Im so sorry Adrian, I wish I wasn't hurting you like I am. I'm sorry for what I said. Please, I love you _swirled around in her head, until the cool, calm voice inside her head reminded her that he was a Moroi and she didn't need to apologise to such a dark, formidable creature. Ignoring the apologies and promises that threatened to spew out of her, Sydney stayed silent and watched Adrian be driven out of his own apartment by her.


End file.
